Waking Up to this Very Moment

"One thing -- you say Mu will be a lifelong process. But that's so
conceivable and safe. What if it's not. What if awakening could come
from any angle at any time? What if it's here>"

From an e-mail message recently sent to me by John Tarrant, author of Bring Me the Rhinoceros, in response to my statement that I'm working with the koan "Mu" and will probably be doing this the rest of my life.

Bring Me the Rhinoceros

Book on Zen Koans by John Tarrant Roshi, my "grandteacher". 

My Teacher's Teacher's Teacher

Today I met John Tarrant Roshi, Zen teacher & Jungian psychoanalyst who directs the Pacific Zen Institute. He is my teacher's (Melissa Blacker's) teacher's (Sensei James Ishmael Ford's) teacher...Yes, somewhat confusing, but meaningful to me. He is a poet & writer, consults with institutions on "culture change", and has an interesting affiliation with Duke Medical School. Hmmmmm. I now have his latest book "Bring Me the Rhinoceros and Other Zen Koans to Bring You Joy" -- Excerpts from the book are included on the Pacific Zen Institute's website at pacificzen.org

Snow Dog Day

Another snowy day..... 

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Yet again, we're bracing for another snowstorm -- I'm trying to focus on how beautiful and serene the world looks from my window, and NOT to focus on the challenges of driving on snow-and-ice covered streets, wet boots, and coaxing our little pup to step outside to relieve herself!

Have participated in the last 2 mornings' 6:30-7:30 am meditation sittings at the Berwick Street Zendo. It seems to get me up and moving for the day, with greater focus, clarity and energy. Hmmmm...maybe a good idea to meditate in a.m. rather than p.m., as I've been doing.

Deva's New Tattoo

Deva's new tattoo. The word above the Celtic Tree of Life symbol "chimhnich" means "remember" in Gaelic. She got the tattoo for her 18th birthday. 

February, The Lost Month

February: month of blizzards, birthday celebrations, school vacation week and for some reason (not enough sun? too much cold? no particular reason) lots of sadness & grief. February was month 2 of the ango (intensive 3-month Zen meditation practice period), and I've continued to practice at home and with the Worcester Zen Group. This ongoing practice may have something to do with getting in touch with grief.

However LOST I felt at times during February, there were many positive happenings in February to report, especially regarding daughter Deva:
Deva turned 18 on Feb. 9, got an awesome tattoo, and fell in love!
Watching her grow up before my very eyes is bittersweet. She's an awesome woman!
She's received acceptances to two colleges so far: Mass College of Liberal Arts (a newly recognized "Hot College" in US News & World Report), and UMass Amherst Honors Program - Commonwealth College. She's also received scholarships -- full tuition/fees at MCLA and a Paul Tsongas Scholarship. We're now waiting to hear from the 4 private institutions she applied to: Bennington, Brown, Amherst College & Wesleyan (the last is her new favorite, since it's closest to her boyfriend's home of New Haven, CT)

Other positive happenings:
Lara bought a Scooter, and we're looking forward to some springtime fun (for those of us who grew up in 60s/70s, think: "Then Came Bronson" and "Easy Rider" minus the recreational drug use)

I had a poetry reading at UMass Medical School, along with 2 other area poets. We had a good crowd (many friends & colleagues showed up to offer support), and feedback has been very positive.

Submitted poems to a chapbook contest

Sent an essay on Bikram Yoga and grief to "Organic Style" magazine, and received a very interested response from the Health Editor

Hope to blog more regularly in March!

Danny as Adam, The Apprentice, Part 3

Danny as Adam's alter ego 

Adam-Danny, The Apprentice, Part 2

Adam as "Danny" in training 

Adam-Danny, The Apprentice

Ok, so I admit that I may be entering a new phase of the grieving process. Season 3 of The Apprentice began 2 weeks ago, and to my surprise and elation, one of the young men -- Danny -- is to me, the spittin image of what Adam would have looked like in 10-15 years, if he had lived. The Gestalt is on the mark, even though Aral has made it clear that our Adam was so much better looking than Danny! But it's the overall Gestalt, the personality, the humor, the love of music (Danny carries his guitar around everywhere he goes), his general 'funky quirkiness' that make me think that Adam has returned! Danny even wants to bring back leisure suits!

BTW, Danny is actually quite a bit older than he looks -- he's 39!! Check out his website -- more Adam comparisons.
http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Apprentice_3/candidates/danny.shtml

For a 39-year-old, he seems kind of 'young at heart' or, as some might want to say to him -- OH GROW UP!